


my condolences

by descentdeparture



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Gen, but i think amanda and jill's relationship would've been interesting to look at more, i don't know if this even fits into the timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/descentdeparture/pseuds/descentdeparture
Summary: jill visits amanda's grave. post-saw vi.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	my condolences

The weather is pleasant; the sun is shining brightly outside and there’s just a hint of a breeze. It’s far too comfortable for how Jill feels, standing before the grave of her former patient, the one who became Jigsaw’s accomplice. The grave – Amanda’s grave – is plain and unassuming, just a simple headstone engraved with her name and how long she was alive. It hasn’t been defaced yet, although that might be due in part to its location – nestled among a few older graves near some neglected corner of the graveyard – and she wasn’t really the one everyone was looking at anyways, not like John was.

Standing before Amanda’s grave, Jill finds herself at a loss for what to say. When she visited Gideon’s grave, at the times when her words weren’t choked up by grief and she could manage to speak, she would talk to him – about herself, about her life, how much she missed him. Sometimes she would talk about John, too, but that was harder, especially after it all started. Now, though, she knows what she _wants_ to say, but she can’t find the words. She wants to say _why_ and _what happened to you_ and _how could you_ but above it all she wants to say _I’m sorry_. Jill knows on some level that Amanda’s path was her own, that Jill wasn’t responsible for what she had done, but she can’t help but feeling like she should have done more, should have fixed things somehow, even though she knows she couldn’t have. Another part of her feels profoundly guilty for having deemed Amanda a lost soul, thinking that she wasn’t going to change – or thinking that she just _couldn’t_ – while yet another part is full of anger and loss and grief because she was _there_ when Gideon died and if she hadn’t been then maybe things would have been so much different and –

Jill halts that train of thought sharply, knowing where it leads, snapping back to the present and realizing that her fists have been clenched. She lets go of the tension in her hands and sighs, looking back at the headstone. There’s no sense in getting angry with someone who isn’t around to hear your words anymore. Nothing she can say would bring her son or Amanda back.

So, in the end, she doesn’t say anything at all.

She takes a deep breath, exhaling as slowly and steadily as she can, before turning and walking away at a brisk pace while fighting the urge to look back. There’s still so much work to be done, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically unedited and more of a vent fic than anything but i kept thinking about jill being one of the few people who would actually care about amanda's death/visit her grave so i wrote it out.


End file.
